There have been many called native tribes from all over the globe. Many of these have a very distinctive history and fascinating cultures and traditions. But today, people, we explore the vast primitive history of one of the greatest tribes ever known. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the Nockinwan Tribe.
Long years ago when the world was still new and humanoids began adapting to their environments, routines were established in the far off land of Hoobi'choobi. Families nestled there and began to grow. These were the primitive Nockinwan Tribe. Their figures were stout and hunched, almost gorilla-like yet clumsy. They did not possess the knowledge to build fully erected huts or buildings. Instead they used tapir droppings and with it formed a mound with a hole beneath it, which only suited one person at a time. Needless to say, many tapirs died of dysentery in order for this to happen.
The Nockinwan (or Nyucks as they called themselves) were a tribe that were unable to adapt to their environment. In fact they did not even attempt to. Having only been around for a several years, the Nockinwan were very apathetic. Their meals consisted of dirt, pebbles and occasionally part of their home. They did not understand the concept of creating fire; not even during the great storm of May 9th, 45,862 b.c. when poor Ligobop was struck by a bolt of lightning. Instead of calling the fire brigade, the entire tribe laughed as sparks shot from Ligobop's nipples. Even as he was being electrocuted Ligobop managed to produce a smile right before he dropped dead.
About a year later, the tallest of the Nockinwan, standing at 3 foot 8 inches at the shoulders, named Flooloo, looked over and saw a fellow tribesman eye-balling his manure-home. He walked out into the middle of the clearing where he challenged his neighbor Wogwog to a pebble eating contest. With both men being brought piles of pebbles, they began to scarf down the little nuggets for what seemed like hours. In the end, however, Flooloo collapsed and Wogwog was claimed the victor. Unfortunately for Wogwog, his victory was short-lived as he belched and a spray of pebbles sprung from his mouth and striking many of the tribes-people. As horrifying as it may have been, every tribes-person, including Flooloo, laughed as the pebbles ricocheted off and embedded into their neighbors. Flooloo would later sink into the soft earth due the tremendous weight of the pebbles he consumed. R.I.P. Flooloo.
After that event, there isn't much to tell about the Nockinwans (or Nyucks). Although one tribesman was able to invent the slingshot using two trees. Sadly he was never heard from after that.
There are many speculations as to how the Nockinwans became extinct. Some say it was the coming of the Ice Age while others disagree and say it too hot them and they all melted. But I can let everyone in on a little secret and say I know exactly what killed the Nyucks. TV! They watched too much television and it rotted their brains, then they all drank from a dirty dog dish and became possessed thinking they were Superman and started jumping off of buildings. After a while it settled until the great hemorrhoid outbreak of '65. And the make matters worse they all thought they were Barney and began singing corny children songs. And finally right before the entire tribe was wiped clean off the map, they all coughed, sneezed and belched at the same time and all exploded!!!
It's a sad tale, really, to know that this tribe could have gone places. Places like France or Belgium. Who knows. But one thing is for sure, this was a group of people who should have made it into the history books... if only they had held on for eight more little minutes.
The story, names and locations written in this story are fictitious. Any similarities based on the story are coincidental (I would most certainly hope so). The story itself was intended merely for humor purposes (and I hope it has lived up to that).
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