Okay, I guess this will be my new one. Many people have asked me about movies and often when they do I go into an intensely long conversation regarding various films. Then someone once asked me what my favorite film was, and it got me thinking. What film indeed is my favorite and best film that I have seen to date? So for all those who ask me that question, here is my TOP 10 best and favorite films that I have seen... mainly because I have nothing else to write and need to calm myself down...
#10
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
We start our countdown off with a classic and one of my favorites of that time. Based on Arthur C. Clarke's classic novel and with the brilliant mind of Stanley Kubrick we waltz through space (and even time) with Frank and David and of course everybody's favorite Hal-9000. This is quite simply not only one of the best films I have ever seen but also one of the best films ever made. It captures many authentic realistic outer space environments. One unique taste of this film is that it is thus far the only film to create the real-life no-sound-in-space effect. This made my list not only for its' authenticity but also for its' nightmarish sound effects. From the beeping of computer consoles to the white noise sounds of the running ship's engine to the steady hissing of the astronauts oxygen tanks; 2001: A Space Odyssey earned its' place as being not only one of the best films I have ever seen but also one of the scariest.
#9
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT
Yeah, yeah, I know what you may be thinking: "How can you like a movie about three idiots who get lost in the woods?" Well the answer is as simple as breathing itself: the eeriness of course. Not only does the eeriness of the film get to me but also the night-terror-looking climax of the film as well. For the first several times that I have watched this film in its' entirety, The Blair Witch Project has scared me more times than any other film. Yes, I know the acting is poor and the concept of the movie isn't a Pulitzer Prize Winner, but for me this late '90's film deserves to be ranked in my Top 10... It also adds to the scariness when you fall asleep watching this film and your name just happens to be Josh. I recommend not doing that...
#8
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
If you want classic slapstick, silly, zany and altogether crude humour, you can never go wrong with one of the greatest comedy groups of all-time: Monty Python. Ranging from blowing people up and a gay army drill theme song to self-defense against bananas and the Statue of David slapping away a hand attempting to tear off his fig leaf, this film has it all. A wholesome knee-slapping comedy film with no need to ever worry about twists as the whole film is plain twisted. This classic film based on many sketches by Monty Python just barely got by on the list but was able to squeeze by the very similar yet sometimes dull film American Raspberry.
#7
ENTER THE DRAGON
WOOHAH! HYAH! The classic martial arts film and Bruce Lee's final film kicked butt to its' way to my Top 10. As much as I enjoy Bruce Lee and his films as well as similar martial arts movies, nothing can compare to the authenticity that is Enter the Dragon. Seeing martial arts movies starring Jackie Chan make me sick. When he "fights" Jackie Chan looks like a monkey high on PCP and going berserk on anything that moves. As Mr. Lee, Bruce not only makes each scene look real, he also choreographed each of the fighting scenes himself to make the film that much more authentic earning this film a place in my Top 10 but also making it the best martial arts film of all-time.
#6
TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 1
"You are cordially invited..." was how the teaser trailer began. Now I have to admit that when it first came out I did not really care for Twilight. I personally thought it was overrated and was thrown way too much out of proportion. Time went by and I met and fell in love with an amazing woman whom I promised to go see Breaking Dawn Part 1 on its' opening night, and I made this promise months prior to its' release. More time went by. Then finally on November 18, 2011 at midnight, Breaking Dawn Part 1 makes its' release on the east coast. Just about two hours later when the film was finished I could not help but keep saying the same thing over and over again: YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS FILM! Not only is this one of the best romance films I have ever seen but it is also one of the best films series I have ever seen and Breaking Dawn Part 1, although at #6, deserves to be among the top elite.
#5
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
When you want to stick to classic, this hit from 1990 is the one. Hands down quite simply one of the best films I have ever seen and moreover my most favorite film growing up. Since its' release into theaters, I have seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles more times than any other film I have seen combined, including any one of the six Star Wars films. Growing, in fact growing old with the four turtles, I am proud to say that I saw them go through their entire evolution, starting with their original plain red bandanas in pencil-drawn comic books to their now multicolored bandanas and 3-demensional cartoons. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made this list because...well... let's face it: IT'S THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! Plus for a while I delivered newspapers to co-creator Kevin Eastman's house.
#4
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
It starts off with the forging of a great ring of power set to destroy all life by the hands of it maker and winds up in the hands of an innocent. One of the most epic adventures begins here as young Frodo Baggins embarks on one of the greatest journeys of our time. Following the wisdom of a wizard, Frodo, along with eight other companions, seeks out to destroy the One Ring while facing great perils. This film jumped directly into my Top 10 as it was not only one of my favorite books growing up but also one of my favorite radio shows from the BBC. Seeing this epic first film of the trilogy for the first time made me fall in love with it instantly. While still in theaters, I, along with my mother, went to go see The Fellowship of the Ring up to nearly twenty times and once back-to-back. That act alone was just one of the reasons why this Tolkien tale made my Top 10.
#3
THE LORD OF THE RINGS
Yes, I know what you may be thinking. How is it The Lord of the Rings is on your list twice? If you saw the original 1978 animated film by Ralph Bakshi you would already know that answer. This is it! One of the best, in fact personally, the best animated feature film of all-time. This is one of the few films I only have to listen to to know and visual precisely what is happening. Narrowing my mental images into exact detail this is my most common film for me to fall asleep to. Although, seeing it for the first time as a young boy can be quite frightening at times.
#2
STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE
A long time ago in a baby walker in a living room was my first glimpse at my ever growing expansion of movies. Watching the original Star Wars for the first time ever at barely two years of age, I am still to this day mesmerized and fascinated by the outstanding and award-winning visual effects used to make one of the greatest science-fiction films of all time. By the time I was five years old I was already able to recite the entire movie word-for-word on cue. This not only was an instantly loved film but a cherished classic although my birth was only about five months before the release of Return of the Jedi in 1983.
#1
ALIEN
I have no shame in admitting this. The original 1979 sci-fi horror classic is my ultimate favorite film of all time. I know I have told others that there are other movies far greater than this, however, after careful consideration (and examination) I have reached a self-agreement: Alien is the best film I have ever seen. This movie has everything: the eeriness, the scariness, the classicism, occasional humor, the reciting of lines, my ability to visualize precise action without having to watch, the excitement and an altogether good yet not so good ending as this film spawned off three sequels and two spinoffs. Seeing this film for the first time even as a young teenager nearly made me want to throw up or hide underneath my bed sheets. NO LYING! This original film by veteran director Ridley Scott was boosted up to the #1 slot after a better look at the film's actual display and talents of visual effects as well as the acting from the terrified crew members of the Nostromo... and by the way, there is an actual scene where both cast and crew thought that John Hurt's character was really choking which made the film that much more terrifying and also adding the bonus of authenticity.
I hope you enjoyed this blog. As you are aware there are a few up-to-date films on my list of Top 10. But who knows really. Maybe next year another film may arise and bump one of these ones of the list... very doubtful but yet still possible. Thank you for reading.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
My story has finally begun!
I know it's been a couple of weeks since I first reported it but I can safely say that I have finally started the project of a major story through another account. No knowing yet when I will complete this project considering the length and time expansion between the events of the story. So far the only thing written is the "Prelude" but there is going to be a ton more upcoming.
For people interested, here is the link to the first installment: http://mymegastory1982.blogspot.com/
I apologize for it being a little short. It's just an introduction really. Enjoy!
For people interested, here is the link to the first installment: http://mymegastory1982.blogspot.com/
I apologize for it being a little short. It's just an introduction really. Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
For an upcoming blog I hope to complete
This is just a small section I'm writing for an upcoming blog that has not been full formed yet. No word on when it will be complete other than to say it will come out in segments. But for the time being, I will just call out the list of characters in the blog and a brief description of who they are.
LUSHA: Queen of the Alliance
GORULL: King of the Alliance
ASHRAH: Daughter of Lusha and Gorull. Key character who plays a big role
SHUNJI: Lady of Light and future Queen of the Alliance
ASARIEL: Dwarf hunter and marksman
CASSYNDRA: The Chosen, often referred to as "The Child". Later key character
FALORRAH: Gnome rogue and assassin
YUANAH: Guardian of Stormwind
MAL'FURION STORMRAGE: Guardian of Azeroth and Protector of the Great Tree
ILLIDAN STORMRAGE: Keeper of the Black Temple. Also known as The Betrayer
VOSLA: Draenei warrior converted to a Death Knight
CAVESSA: Human rogue and close friend to Valkerie
DALGAMEX: Blood-elf paladin
JEB: Gnome arcane mage and twin brother of Seb
SEB: Gnome fire mage and twin brother of Jeb
ALGEA: High priest of Stormwind
VARIEN WRYNN: Keeper of Stormwind
ANDUIN: Son of Varien Wrynn and heir to the throne of Stormwind
JAINA PROUDMORE: High priest of the Alliance
UTHER PENDRAGON: Former king of the Alliance
ARTHAS MENETHIL: Son of Uther and protector of Stormwind. Later becomes the Lich King
AUK: Blood-elf assassin and Seronin's counterpart
SERONIN: Blood-elf assassin and Auk's counterpart
EMILAS: Warlock who later is converted to a Death Knight
IBOC: Night-elf hunter and close friend to Asariel and Kirsta
JAMBU: Renegade Blood-elf rogue who befriends Valkerie
JONATHAN MARCUS: Chief guard of Stormwind
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: General of the Horde. Later on key character
KAYLEE: Blood-elf spy and assassin. Valkerie's arch-nemesis
KIL'JAEDIN: Demon Lord of the Sunwell. Creator of the original Lich King
KIRSTA: Dreanei paladin and close friend to Lusha and Gorull
LATORIA: Alliance defense Captain of Outland
LOKTU: Undead rogue and assassin
MESHLAH: Arch-druid of the Night Elves
MICAELA: Draenei supreme frost mage
MORLUG: Lieutenant of the Horde
SHEKIRA: Warrior protector of southern Northrend
SHEKINA: Warlock and sister of Shekira
TALUS: General of the Undead armies
THRALL: Warchief of the Horde
VALKERIE: Dwarf rogue, spy and assassin
A'TAL: Lady of Light in Shattrath in Outland. Also acts as Shunji's adviser later on
DEATHWING: Also know as the Destroyer and Neltharion. Later on plays a key role
LORD KAZZAK: Demon lord of the Burning Legion. Key role character
I am about 100% sure that many more names will come up but these are just some of the key role characters. And as I said before, I don't know when the story will be up and I may use another account designated specifically for the upcoming narrative. But I hope you all read and wish me luck in actually completing it in a short time frame. Until next time...
LUSHA: Queen of the Alliance
GORULL: King of the Alliance
ASHRAH: Daughter of Lusha and Gorull. Key character who plays a big role
SHUNJI: Lady of Light and future Queen of the Alliance
ASARIEL: Dwarf hunter and marksman
CASSYNDRA: The Chosen, often referred to as "The Child". Later key character
FALORRAH: Gnome rogue and assassin
YUANAH: Guardian of Stormwind
MAL'FURION STORMRAGE: Guardian of Azeroth and Protector of the Great Tree
ILLIDAN STORMRAGE: Keeper of the Black Temple. Also known as The Betrayer
VOSLA: Draenei warrior converted to a Death Knight
CAVESSA: Human rogue and close friend to Valkerie
DALGAMEX: Blood-elf paladin
JEB: Gnome arcane mage and twin brother of Seb
SEB: Gnome fire mage and twin brother of Jeb
ALGEA: High priest of Stormwind
VARIEN WRYNN: Keeper of Stormwind
ANDUIN: Son of Varien Wrynn and heir to the throne of Stormwind
JAINA PROUDMORE: High priest of the Alliance
UTHER PENDRAGON: Former king of the Alliance
ARTHAS MENETHIL: Son of Uther and protector of Stormwind. Later becomes the Lich King
AUK: Blood-elf assassin and Seronin's counterpart
SERONIN: Blood-elf assassin and Auk's counterpart
EMILAS: Warlock who later is converted to a Death Knight
IBOC: Night-elf hunter and close friend to Asariel and Kirsta
JAMBU: Renegade Blood-elf rogue who befriends Valkerie
JONATHAN MARCUS: Chief guard of Stormwind
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: General of the Horde. Later on key character
KAYLEE: Blood-elf spy and assassin. Valkerie's arch-nemesis
KIL'JAEDIN: Demon Lord of the Sunwell. Creator of the original Lich King
KIRSTA: Dreanei paladin and close friend to Lusha and Gorull
LATORIA: Alliance defense Captain of Outland
LOKTU: Undead rogue and assassin
MESHLAH: Arch-druid of the Night Elves
MICAELA: Draenei supreme frost mage
MORLUG: Lieutenant of the Horde
SHEKIRA: Warrior protector of southern Northrend
SHEKINA: Warlock and sister of Shekira
TALUS: General of the Undead armies
THRALL: Warchief of the Horde
VALKERIE: Dwarf rogue, spy and assassin
A'TAL: Lady of Light in Shattrath in Outland. Also acts as Shunji's adviser later on
DEATHWING: Also know as the Destroyer and Neltharion. Later on plays a key role
LORD KAZZAK: Demon lord of the Burning Legion. Key role character
I am about 100% sure that many more names will come up but these are just some of the key role characters. And as I said before, I don't know when the story will be up and I may use another account designated specifically for the upcoming narrative. But I hope you all read and wish me luck in actually completing it in a short time frame. Until next time...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Peace
I have once again been trying to figure out what to write about. Although nothing hasn't come to mind really, I've decided to just wing it.
The air was soft and warm as the blanket of night swept over the land. Crickets begun to chirp and the sound of birdsong faded away into the night. Clouds passed along the horizon, overlapping the stars. The air began to grow thick and the sound of thunder was heard off in the distance. The wind began to pick up, sending wave after wave of gusts against the tall grass of the meadows. Sparks of lightning threw out in spiderwebs along the rim of the sky and rain began to beat down upon the trees.
The sounds of the night died down as the battle within the skies ensued. The rain turned into a torrential downpour and the wind grew harder and faster making the raindrops seem like bullets striking their targets along the trees and the ground. Bolts of lightning struck here and there creating sonic booms across the plains of the meadow. The clouds above clashed in a furious rage, each with a devastating explosion of electricity. The thunder became ever so violent as it roared amongst the clouds.
A giant bolt of lightning suddenly came crashing down from a gap in the clouds, striking a tree and instantly setting is ablaze. The flames along the tree sang with fury as it ate away at its' meal. The tree began to wither and crumble as if fatigued. It sank to the ground, letting the flames begin to eat the floor of the meadow. The heavy rain from above did not provide extinguishing to the tall grass below as the flames spread out in a giant circular rim as if a rock dropped into a pond.
As the flames consumed below, the chaos above continued. The clouds hammered against each other, each with devastating explosions. The thundered bellowed across the plains and the lightning continued to send out huge sparks with its' wrath. The rain now seemed unbearable as it blanketed the whole of the meadow. The rage of the flames below grew and grew as if the entire meadow was a river of fire.
Within the chaos above a peculiar light could be seen through a gap in the clouds. Through the midst of the rage and wrath of the terrible storm, the shine of a single star was shown. In its' radiance up above, no cloud or edge of darkness could ever touch its' purity. Though the light of the star may have been small, knowing that no evil could touch that beam of light made it shine brighter than any other star out there. The chaos below continued into an unending wrath. But the star above remained and shown its' light down upon the plains and stayed untouched and unharmed.
I hope this blog inspires readers and let them know that even through chaos and what seems like unending torment, there will always be a part of you that nothing or no one else can touch. Peace be with you all.
The air was soft and warm as the blanket of night swept over the land. Crickets begun to chirp and the sound of birdsong faded away into the night. Clouds passed along the horizon, overlapping the stars. The air began to grow thick and the sound of thunder was heard off in the distance. The wind began to pick up, sending wave after wave of gusts against the tall grass of the meadows. Sparks of lightning threw out in spiderwebs along the rim of the sky and rain began to beat down upon the trees.
The sounds of the night died down as the battle within the skies ensued. The rain turned into a torrential downpour and the wind grew harder and faster making the raindrops seem like bullets striking their targets along the trees and the ground. Bolts of lightning struck here and there creating sonic booms across the plains of the meadow. The clouds above clashed in a furious rage, each with a devastating explosion of electricity. The thunder became ever so violent as it roared amongst the clouds.
A giant bolt of lightning suddenly came crashing down from a gap in the clouds, striking a tree and instantly setting is ablaze. The flames along the tree sang with fury as it ate away at its' meal. The tree began to wither and crumble as if fatigued. It sank to the ground, letting the flames begin to eat the floor of the meadow. The heavy rain from above did not provide extinguishing to the tall grass below as the flames spread out in a giant circular rim as if a rock dropped into a pond.
As the flames consumed below, the chaos above continued. The clouds hammered against each other, each with devastating explosions. The thundered bellowed across the plains and the lightning continued to send out huge sparks with its' wrath. The rain now seemed unbearable as it blanketed the whole of the meadow. The rage of the flames below grew and grew as if the entire meadow was a river of fire.
Within the chaos above a peculiar light could be seen through a gap in the clouds. Through the midst of the rage and wrath of the terrible storm, the shine of a single star was shown. In its' radiance up above, no cloud or edge of darkness could ever touch its' purity. Though the light of the star may have been small, knowing that no evil could touch that beam of light made it shine brighter than any other star out there. The chaos below continued into an unending wrath. But the star above remained and shown its' light down upon the plains and stayed untouched and unharmed.
I hope this blog inspires readers and let them know that even through chaos and what seems like unending torment, there will always be a part of you that nothing or no one else can touch. Peace be with you all.
Monday, July 25, 2011
My Sanctuary
Okay, it has been a little while since my last blog but I wanted to try something different. Instead of writing a memoir or comical story, I've decided to go ahead and write lyrics to a song. Granted it doesn't really provide any justice with the inability to hear the music to go along with it, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
(VERSE 1)
I know I can never be enough,
But You'll always be here,
I know that my words
Are simple and shallow
But You mean everything You say and do
(VERSE 2)
I know I don't have anything to give,
To repay what You have given me,
But I know in my heart,
That You will always be here forever
And I thank you,
From the bottom of my heart,
Because
(CHORUS)
You are my Light
You are my Home
You are my Sanctuary
You are my Peace
You give me Hope
You are my Sanctuary
(VERSE 3)
You are the only one
You teach me things that I need to know
And You made me realize,
That life is not just a simple song
And I thank you
From the bottom of my heart
Because, because
(CHORUS)
You are my Light
You are my Home
You are my Sanctuary
You are my Peace
You give me Hope
You are my Sanctuary
(BRIDGE/CHORUS)
You are my Guide,
When I am lost
You are my Sanctuary
You are the heart,
That keeps me alive
You are my Sanctuary
You are the will
That makes me strong
You are my Sanctuary
You are the warmth
When I feel cold
You are my Sanctuary
My Sanctuary
My Sanctuary...
My Sanctuary...
(VERSE 1)
I know I can never be enough,
But You'll always be here,
I know that my words
Are simple and shallow
But You mean everything You say and do
(VERSE 2)
I know I don't have anything to give,
To repay what You have given me,
But I know in my heart,
That You will always be here forever
And I thank you,
From the bottom of my heart,
Because
(CHORUS)
You are my Light
You are my Home
You are my Sanctuary
You are my Peace
You give me Hope
You are my Sanctuary
(VERSE 3)
You are the only one
You teach me things that I need to know
And You made me realize,
That life is not just a simple song
And I thank you
From the bottom of my heart
Because, because
(CHORUS)
You are my Light
You are my Home
You are my Sanctuary
You are my Peace
You give me Hope
You are my Sanctuary
(BRIDGE/CHORUS)
You are my Guide,
When I am lost
You are my Sanctuary
You are the heart,
That keeps me alive
You are my Sanctuary
You are the will
That makes me strong
You are my Sanctuary
You are the warmth
When I feel cold
You are my Sanctuary
My Sanctuary
My Sanctuary...
My Sanctuary...
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Nockinwan Tribe
There have been many called native tribes from all over the globe. Many of these have a very distinctive history and fascinating cultures and traditions. But today, people, we explore the vast primitive history of one of the greatest tribes ever known. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the Nockinwan Tribe.
Long years ago when the world was still new and humanoids began adapting to their environments, routines were established in the far off land of Hoobi'choobi. Families nestled there and began to grow. These were the primitive Nockinwan Tribe. Their figures were stout and hunched, almost gorilla-like yet clumsy. They did not possess the knowledge to build fully erected huts or buildings. Instead they used tapir droppings and with it formed a mound with a hole beneath it, which only suited one person at a time. Needless to say, many tapirs died of dysentery in order for this to happen.
The Nockinwan (or Nyucks as they called themselves) were a tribe that were unable to adapt to their environment. In fact they did not even attempt to. Having only been around for a several years, the Nockinwan were very apathetic. Their meals consisted of dirt, pebbles and occasionally part of their home. They did not understand the concept of creating fire; not even during the great storm of May 9th, 45,862 b.c. when poor Ligobop was struck by a bolt of lightning. Instead of calling the fire brigade, the entire tribe laughed as sparks shot from Ligobop's nipples. Even as he was being electrocuted Ligobop managed to produce a smile right before he dropped dead.
About a year later, the tallest of the Nockinwan, standing at 3 foot 8 inches at the shoulders, named Flooloo, looked over and saw a fellow tribesman eye-balling his manure-home. He walked out into the middle of the clearing where he challenged his neighbor Wogwog to a pebble eating contest. With both men being brought piles of pebbles, they began to scarf down the little nuggets for what seemed like hours. In the end, however, Flooloo collapsed and Wogwog was claimed the victor. Unfortunately for Wogwog, his victory was short-lived as he belched and a spray of pebbles sprung from his mouth and striking many of the tribes-people. As horrifying as it may have been, every tribes-person, including Flooloo, laughed as the pebbles ricocheted off and embedded into their neighbors. Flooloo would later sink into the soft earth due the tremendous weight of the pebbles he consumed. R.I.P. Flooloo.
After that event, there isn't much to tell about the Nockinwans (or Nyucks). Although one tribesman was able to invent the slingshot using two trees. Sadly he was never heard from after that.
There are many speculations as to how the Nockinwans became extinct. Some say it was the coming of the Ice Age while others disagree and say it too hot them and they all melted. But I can let everyone in on a little secret and say I know exactly what killed the Nyucks. TV! They watched too much television and it rotted their brains, then they all drank from a dirty dog dish and became possessed thinking they were Superman and started jumping off of buildings. After a while it settled until the great hemorrhoid outbreak of '65. And the make matters worse they all thought they were Barney and began singing corny children songs. And finally right before the entire tribe was wiped clean off the map, they all coughed, sneezed and belched at the same time and all exploded!!!
It's a sad tale, really, to know that this tribe could have gone places. Places like France or Belgium. Who knows. But one thing is for sure, this was a group of people who should have made it into the history books... if only they had held on for eight more little minutes.
The story, names and locations written in this story are fictitious. Any similarities based on the story are coincidental (I would most certainly hope so). The story itself was intended merely for humor purposes (and I hope it has lived up to that).
Long years ago when the world was still new and humanoids began adapting to their environments, routines were established in the far off land of Hoobi'choobi. Families nestled there and began to grow. These were the primitive Nockinwan Tribe. Their figures were stout and hunched, almost gorilla-like yet clumsy. They did not possess the knowledge to build fully erected huts or buildings. Instead they used tapir droppings and with it formed a mound with a hole beneath it, which only suited one person at a time. Needless to say, many tapirs died of dysentery in order for this to happen.
The Nockinwan (or Nyucks as they called themselves) were a tribe that were unable to adapt to their environment. In fact they did not even attempt to. Having only been around for a several years, the Nockinwan were very apathetic. Their meals consisted of dirt, pebbles and occasionally part of their home. They did not understand the concept of creating fire; not even during the great storm of May 9th, 45,862 b.c. when poor Ligobop was struck by a bolt of lightning. Instead of calling the fire brigade, the entire tribe laughed as sparks shot from Ligobop's nipples. Even as he was being electrocuted Ligobop managed to produce a smile right before he dropped dead.
About a year later, the tallest of the Nockinwan, standing at 3 foot 8 inches at the shoulders, named Flooloo, looked over and saw a fellow tribesman eye-balling his manure-home. He walked out into the middle of the clearing where he challenged his neighbor Wogwog to a pebble eating contest. With both men being brought piles of pebbles, they began to scarf down the little nuggets for what seemed like hours. In the end, however, Flooloo collapsed and Wogwog was claimed the victor. Unfortunately for Wogwog, his victory was short-lived as he belched and a spray of pebbles sprung from his mouth and striking many of the tribes-people. As horrifying as it may have been, every tribes-person, including Flooloo, laughed as the pebbles ricocheted off and embedded into their neighbors. Flooloo would later sink into the soft earth due the tremendous weight of the pebbles he consumed. R.I.P. Flooloo.
After that event, there isn't much to tell about the Nockinwans (or Nyucks). Although one tribesman was able to invent the slingshot using two trees. Sadly he was never heard from after that.
There are many speculations as to how the Nockinwans became extinct. Some say it was the coming of the Ice Age while others disagree and say it too hot them and they all melted. But I can let everyone in on a little secret and say I know exactly what killed the Nyucks. TV! They watched too much television and it rotted their brains, then they all drank from a dirty dog dish and became possessed thinking they were Superman and started jumping off of buildings. After a while it settled until the great hemorrhoid outbreak of '65. And the make matters worse they all thought they were Barney and began singing corny children songs. And finally right before the entire tribe was wiped clean off the map, they all coughed, sneezed and belched at the same time and all exploded!!!
It's a sad tale, really, to know that this tribe could have gone places. Places like France or Belgium. Who knows. But one thing is for sure, this was a group of people who should have made it into the history books... if only they had held on for eight more little minutes.
The story, names and locations written in this story are fictitious. Any similarities based on the story are coincidental (I would most certainly hope so). The story itself was intended merely for humor purposes (and I hope it has lived up to that).
Sunday, June 26, 2011
SIMPLY THE BEST
START: 10:46am.
I have been up for an extremely long time now. I do not recall the last time I slept but because I haven't slept we, including myself, all must face the consequences. For those who do not understand what I am talking about, please concentrate on how much I persistently babble on about mediocre situations such as this. When I stay up for long endless periods of time (87.4 hours being my record set on the days of December 8th to December 12th, 1999) my mind begins to wander and stray into vast unfamiliar territory. To some it could be classified as a psychotic episode. Well, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you my very own psychosis.
I was contemplating of what I should write about. As you can plainly see from my previous blogs, my sole subject varies between category. I figured , based from my last blog, I should copy it in another unique way. Instead of referring to someone this time, I will tell the true stories of the Best and Worst moments of my life. Many after reading this would... well many who just read this probably haven't gotten this far... but many after reading this would express thoughts such as, "Oh, Josh is exaggerating. He never went through this. All he is is just one giant fish story." Believe me when I tell you, friends, that everything I write, everything I have ever written is all based off facts and emotions. More often then not, even as I am writing I can be very emotional and often cry. So as you read these, please remember that what I write takes courage from me.
MY TOP... BEST MEMORIES
#10: No shred of doubt about it. Hands down, the very best of the best memory I have ever gone through was witnessing the birth of my son, Austin Tyler. His mother, Nicole, was given induced labor on December 28th, 2004. I remember seeing her belly swollen up to the size of a Buick and slanted to one side because Austin had not fully turned. It was a really long night matched with an even longer day. Nikki was in labor for over 16 hours and by the end of the first hour, both her and I would exhausted. But I stuck with her every step of the way. Okay, I'll admit I got maybe three extra minutes of sleep longer than her, but only because I was woken up by her using the restroom in the delivery room in the middle of the night. From then on, it was all anticipation being raised. By early morning (December 29th [my mother and Nikki's best friend Maggie is also in the room]) Nikki's labor pains begun to rise at a various rate. She was put on oxygen and cranked up to the eyeballs with I.V.'s. She was becoming clammy and extremely fatigued. But, and I will even say it to this day, Nikki is a fighter and survivor like me. Nikki held on so much with what was going on, with the doctors and nurses and midwife coming to check on her whenever there was a problem with anything. So needless to say, they were checking on us every two seconds. By around 10am, Nikki was finally given the choice of taking something for the pain... a.k.a. the epidural. As much as she pleaded, Nikki finally agreed to it. Mind you, because of the sanitation issue, this was the ONLY time I left her side and it was only for 15 minutes. When I came back into the room with my mother and Maggie, Nikki was all set up with her epidural. We're saying, "Okay, this is it. This is the home stretch." Wrong! We still have to endure several more hours. After we came back, just about everyone was beyond exhausted at this point. Nobody slept and even some nurses keep going past their shift just to make sure everything was fine.
Listening to the heart monitor, we can hear Austin thumping like a locomotive inside mommy's tummy. But by mid afternoon there's a problem. Which each contraction that Nikki has, Austin's heart rate plummets. Now doctors and nurses are paying particularly close watch on what is going on. All throughout the time that I left for those short 15 minutes, the first and only thing I did was hold Nikki's hand. I never once let go. We have reached the point of nearly 3:30 in the afternoon. Nikki is in excruciating pain, she is fatigued like we all are, she is shallow-breathing with each contraction. Looking back on that moment alone, this was the time I really became frightened. It was also around this time that the entire maternity ward shut down and prepared for a possible emergency C-section because Austin still had not fully turned.
This next part is as serious as serious can get and I am not trying to embarrass or hurt anyone in any way by this. After they had made Nikki's pregnancy a priority, the midwife came in and examine the situation thoroughly. What the midwife did next was both fascinating and disgusting. With one hand placed on her belly and just two fingers from her other hand placed inside her birth canal, the midwife began massaging Nikki, turning Austin inside at the same time. The sight that my eagle eyes witnessed were clamped open as I saw the roll of Nikki's belly shift, even only for a small length in rotation. I looked back at my son's mother and saw the agonizing look of pain in her eyes. With a little help, Austin had finally turned to the point of when it was safe to start pushing.
During the long minutes of pushing, it was a constant team effort. With me forcing back one of Nikki's legs and her mother, Tammy (who arrived earlier), forcing back the other. We were cheering her on. Doctors, nurses, the midwife, Maggie, Katie (Nikki's other friend), we were all getting into it like some football rally. Nikki squeezed and squeezed (and at one serious point lost her breath even while at full oxygen). The entire floor could hear us as we cheered and encouraged Nikki. She kept pushing and pushing, even after she lost her breath, Nikki never stopped. Finally, Austin began to crown. The hard part of nearly over. Just one more big push and...
After an exhausting 41 minutes, Austin flopped onto the delivery bed like a sack of potatoes. When I finally saw my son for the first time in the flesh and after all that excitement, my emotions shut down completely. I collapsed onto Nikki's chest with tears just pouring out of me. I kissed her again and again and again. I didn't know what I felt. To this day, I don't know what I must have felt. I was so overwhelmed with emotions it was unbearable. I am 28 and a half years old as of this blog. I have lived for almost three decades now. But I have to admit, as I begin to cry re-realizing it, those 16 hours and 41 minutes of my life will be the most exciting moment of my entire life.
I was going to continue this with a few more, but given the fact that many don't like to read much online, I'll bring this out in segments. If you have a memory of me, please share it and I will add that into the mix for the next one. Thank you for reading.
STOP: 12:06pm
I have been up for an extremely long time now. I do not recall the last time I slept but because I haven't slept we, including myself, all must face the consequences. For those who do not understand what I am talking about, please concentrate on how much I persistently babble on about mediocre situations such as this. When I stay up for long endless periods of time (87.4 hours being my record set on the days of December 8th to December 12th, 1999) my mind begins to wander and stray into vast unfamiliar territory. To some it could be classified as a psychotic episode. Well, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you my very own psychosis.
I was contemplating of what I should write about. As you can plainly see from my previous blogs, my sole subject varies between category. I figured , based from my last blog, I should copy it in another unique way. Instead of referring to someone this time, I will tell the true stories of the Best and Worst moments of my life. Many after reading this would... well many who just read this probably haven't gotten this far... but many after reading this would express thoughts such as, "Oh, Josh is exaggerating. He never went through this. All he is is just one giant fish story." Believe me when I tell you, friends, that everything I write, everything I have ever written is all based off facts and emotions. More often then not, even as I am writing I can be very emotional and often cry. So as you read these, please remember that what I write takes courage from me.
MY TOP... BEST MEMORIES
#10: No shred of doubt about it. Hands down, the very best of the best memory I have ever gone through was witnessing the birth of my son, Austin Tyler. His mother, Nicole, was given induced labor on December 28th, 2004. I remember seeing her belly swollen up to the size of a Buick and slanted to one side because Austin had not fully turned. It was a really long night matched with an even longer day. Nikki was in labor for over 16 hours and by the end of the first hour, both her and I would exhausted. But I stuck with her every step of the way. Okay, I'll admit I got maybe three extra minutes of sleep longer than her, but only because I was woken up by her using the restroom in the delivery room in the middle of the night. From then on, it was all anticipation being raised. By early morning (December 29th [my mother and Nikki's best friend Maggie is also in the room]) Nikki's labor pains begun to rise at a various rate. She was put on oxygen and cranked up to the eyeballs with I.V.'s. She was becoming clammy and extremely fatigued. But, and I will even say it to this day, Nikki is a fighter and survivor like me. Nikki held on so much with what was going on, with the doctors and nurses and midwife coming to check on her whenever there was a problem with anything. So needless to say, they were checking on us every two seconds. By around 10am, Nikki was finally given the choice of taking something for the pain... a.k.a. the epidural. As much as she pleaded, Nikki finally agreed to it. Mind you, because of the sanitation issue, this was the ONLY time I left her side and it was only for 15 minutes. When I came back into the room with my mother and Maggie, Nikki was all set up with her epidural. We're saying, "Okay, this is it. This is the home stretch." Wrong! We still have to endure several more hours. After we came back, just about everyone was beyond exhausted at this point. Nobody slept and even some nurses keep going past their shift just to make sure everything was fine.
Listening to the heart monitor, we can hear Austin thumping like a locomotive inside mommy's tummy. But by mid afternoon there's a problem. Which each contraction that Nikki has, Austin's heart rate plummets. Now doctors and nurses are paying particularly close watch on what is going on. All throughout the time that I left for those short 15 minutes, the first and only thing I did was hold Nikki's hand. I never once let go. We have reached the point of nearly 3:30 in the afternoon. Nikki is in excruciating pain, she is fatigued like we all are, she is shallow-breathing with each contraction. Looking back on that moment alone, this was the time I really became frightened. It was also around this time that the entire maternity ward shut down and prepared for a possible emergency C-section because Austin still had not fully turned.
This next part is as serious as serious can get and I am not trying to embarrass or hurt anyone in any way by this. After they had made Nikki's pregnancy a priority, the midwife came in and examine the situation thoroughly. What the midwife did next was both fascinating and disgusting. With one hand placed on her belly and just two fingers from her other hand placed inside her birth canal, the midwife began massaging Nikki, turning Austin inside at the same time. The sight that my eagle eyes witnessed were clamped open as I saw the roll of Nikki's belly shift, even only for a small length in rotation. I looked back at my son's mother and saw the agonizing look of pain in her eyes. With a little help, Austin had finally turned to the point of when it was safe to start pushing.
During the long minutes of pushing, it was a constant team effort. With me forcing back one of Nikki's legs and her mother, Tammy (who arrived earlier), forcing back the other. We were cheering her on. Doctors, nurses, the midwife, Maggie, Katie (Nikki's other friend), we were all getting into it like some football rally. Nikki squeezed and squeezed (and at one serious point lost her breath even while at full oxygen). The entire floor could hear us as we cheered and encouraged Nikki. She kept pushing and pushing, even after she lost her breath, Nikki never stopped. Finally, Austin began to crown. The hard part of nearly over. Just one more big push and...
After an exhausting 41 minutes, Austin flopped onto the delivery bed like a sack of potatoes. When I finally saw my son for the first time in the flesh and after all that excitement, my emotions shut down completely. I collapsed onto Nikki's chest with tears just pouring out of me. I kissed her again and again and again. I didn't know what I felt. To this day, I don't know what I must have felt. I was so overwhelmed with emotions it was unbearable. I am 28 and a half years old as of this blog. I have lived for almost three decades now. But I have to admit, as I begin to cry re-realizing it, those 16 hours and 41 minutes of my life will be the most exciting moment of my entire life.
I was going to continue this with a few more, but given the fact that many don't like to read much online, I'll bring this out in segments. If you have a memory of me, please share it and I will add that into the mix for the next one. Thank you for reading.
STOP: 12:06pm
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